Old Poems

Oct 1, 2009

"On a Day Like Today"
I smile.
Not because it is oh-so-amazing-that-I-can't-help-it, but because
I want to.
On a day like today, where the smallest of things seem like the most devastating of pushes
I smile.
Because I know that today, I feel poignant and alive again.
On a day like today, it is perfect for forging anew old bridges; constructing new ones
And setting off on a new path
On a day like today, I breathe relief and relax, destined to live high and mighty.

"30 lbs."
Growing up, I was always the scrawniest, tiniest, most runt-like kid in the litter.
Picked on, for being unable to control my height, for not being the fastest; for being the smartest; for being different.
So, agitated and upset that I would go home at night and cry myself to sleep;
Wanting so badly to be apart of the fold, to simply be another face with the 'popular' kids.
It wasn't until I stopped really caring what others thought that I became 'popular' in my own right.
But only because I was willing to say what most thought, without remorse.
I remained the tiny, scrawny kid, but I had a mouth that wouldn't quit.
And that gave me reason to be confident.
Throughout the majority of my youth, I was always that teeny, puny kid until I joined JROTC in high school.
I can't credit them with my overall strength, for I've always been stronger, faster, more agile than I appeared, but for giving me a sense that being healthy and in shape was important.
I remained in good shape the remainder of my high school career and the beginning of my college . . .
But then something happened.
Something changed.
I forgot about how addictive and seductive the Sloth was.
Forgot about my pledge not to let him control me.
And while unaware, he did. He helped me settle into a sedentary lifestyle of food, laziness, and overall apathy.
Now, I'm thirty pounds heavier than I ever thought I could be.
I want them gone.
Not just to look better, but to feel better about myself and who I am.

Aug 25, 2009

"Unnamed"
We are meant to interact with each other, but to never fully understand.
I am beginning to see that.
I don't even know why it even upset me at all.
But it did.
It does.
Girls are an enigma.
Ridiculously candid, and fun to be around at times.
And then on the other end of the spectrum, the reason and cause of most of my woes.
F.M.L.

Jul 6, 2009

"It Is a Common Thing"
For me to be disappointed and have my expectations rarely met,
For me to feel as if I met halfway only to find the agreement neglected by the second party.
I know that I do not always do what I say I will.
Sometimes my mind becomes absorbed elsewhere.
I know this. I understand this.
I know that this happens to others, so why am I so disappointed still?

"Smells Like Kerosene and Matches"
I get it, okay?
You were right and I was wrong.
You weren't, aren't, and won't be ready for a long time.
You were right; you made it so that you could climb the rope and when you let go, it would hurt.
I get it.
You're sadomasochistic, and find some pleasure in hurting yourself

"Daily Devotional"
Kneel down and fold your hands.
Beg and plead for the solace that you can find nowhere else.
Close your eyes and wait;
Feel the anticipation build, as you pray day after day.
Thinking the more often you do it, the more he'll hear you.

"Unnamed"
Child becomes boy.
Boy becomes teen.
Teen becomes . . .
A man? A fool? A scholar? A detriment?

"And the Walls Will Come Down"
With this crumbling facade,
This need to let it break upon the shores,
You free yourself.
You draw back our outstretched arms.
You tuck your head and curl into a ball;
the beating will no longer hurt you.
With this roaring silence,
You close off.
You never did well with company.
Swallow your tongue and words and pretend you never let it happen.

"When You Are the Unwilling Villain"
It is best to lay down your armor.
Set aside your sword and shield.
Offer up your bow.
Wave the white flag and leave.
Do not defect. You will never truly be accepted on their side.
Walk away and give them solace.
Never to return.

"The Road Less Traveled"
There it is again,
That nagging, incessant feeling,
Standing like a shadow behind me.
I hate that in my free moments she clouds my mind.
How bright the memory of her eyes are.
Like Carl Thomas, sometimes, I wish I had never met her.
Don't it always seem to go that when things are simple, someone finds a way to make it difficult, complicated

"Ink On My Hands"
Melancholy,
I hate being sick

"Succubus"
The ideal woman
Driven by a desire to satisfy a man
Sated only by being the very dream of every man

"True to My Path"
Aware that any deterrence from my heart's conscience
Any failure to adhere to my most carnal instincts
Will result in my eternal anguish
I just want her back
Not for sexual gratification, but for selfish validation
For that burning glimmer in her eyes
Just to know that it takes all of her will to resist me
To feel that gravitation again

"Unnamed"
She had a look in her eyes
An unspoken permission to continue
So close, so driven
Her hands stroking my cheek
Her feet on my shoulders
Conquest!
But still the look in her eyes
Haunt my memories
A chance encounter
A chance encounter

"Empty Portrait Part Two"
I've a new empty portrait
It sits on the wall staring out
Aching, screaming out for companionship
And like most things, I am unable to give it what it needs, what it was meant to receive
Deserves

"Unnamed"
Like a pounding drum,
I can feel it in my core.
Waking my heart
Like an amazing rift,
My fingers strumming an invisible guitar.
Making me arch my back and groan.
The sexiest instrument, sometimes brings tears to my eyes.
Tone, pitch, melody.
The very essence of sensuality and longing.