"Unnamed"
Like how the fuck am I supposed to react?
How am I supposed to be?
Calm?
Apathetic?
Am I supposed to pretend like it doesn't bother me that you're thinking about, probably planning on fucking Servio?
Like the idea that it doesn't bother you, doesn't bother me?
Are you shitting me?
Really?
Don't be stupid.
If you had no intention of being with me, then why did you tell me that you wanted to have my children?
If we had no future, then why did you pursue a relationship with me?
If I'm not supposed to feel anything, why have you been fucking me for the last two weeks?
What the fuck?
Why have you been calling me 'honey' and such?
If you'd no intention of being with me?
You're not as mature as you want to be . . .
And pretending otherwise won't help you move on.
I am not Andrew.
I am not Servio.
I am not the others.
Despite however they handled your rejection or apathy, I don't want or plan to.
I promise you that.
If you don't want me, tell me and be done with it.
Stop cuddling.
Stop inviting me over.
Stop making those eyes at me.
Say fuck off and be done with it.
13.12.10
New Poem
"Weird Dreams"
That's what she said she had
She couldn't remember them, only the impression that they were weird
And that I'm being quiet and short and that I'm pretending that she isn't going to New York
No, I know
Trust me, I know that you're going to New York to be with Servio, to discover if you Love him or not
Haha, I know the answer
It's clear
And now I'm not sure what I want anymore
A day, a week, a month after you broke my heart, again
I knew that I don't want to be hurt like that again
And that there is no way to be careful with your heart
This is me in a relationship, where I'm planning ahead that it won't work
She told Nedal, when he asked why we aren't "together" and her answer was:
"Because he's him and I'm me"
Whatever that means
Whatever that is supposed to imply
Last night, laying with my back to her, Incubus playing in my ears
I cried
I prayed for God to simply take me
Or give me some way to not be who I am
She makes me feel like the world is my playground and then . . .
Like I'm nothing, less than nothing
That my life is over and I've no chance to do anything
I started in the car this morning when she mentioned dreams
Because for the first time in a long time, I've been having dreams
And all of them have been weird dreams
I can't exactly remember what they were about, just that they left a serious impression of desire and fear
Weird, yeah?
That's what she said she had
She couldn't remember them, only the impression that they were weird
And that I'm being quiet and short and that I'm pretending that she isn't going to New York
No, I know
Trust me, I know that you're going to New York to be with Servio, to discover if you Love him or not
Haha, I know the answer
It's clear
And now I'm not sure what I want anymore
A day, a week, a month after you broke my heart, again
I knew that I don't want to be hurt like that again
And that there is no way to be careful with your heart
This is me in a relationship, where I'm planning ahead that it won't work
She told Nedal, when he asked why we aren't "together" and her answer was:
"Because he's him and I'm me"
Whatever that means
Whatever that is supposed to imply
Last night, laying with my back to her, Incubus playing in my ears
I cried
I prayed for God to simply take me
Or give me some way to not be who I am
She makes me feel like the world is my playground and then . . .
Like I'm nothing, less than nothing
That my life is over and I've no chance to do anything
I started in the car this morning when she mentioned dreams
Because for the first time in a long time, I've been having dreams
And all of them have been weird dreams
I can't exactly remember what they were about, just that they left a serious impression of desire and fear
Weird, yeah?
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