In Retrospect

"It's Kinda A Funny Story"
Like seeing her, knowing that she wants to be my friend
But knowing that I don't trust myself about her or her about me
That my girlfriend isn't at all comfortable with the idea of me talking to her
It doesn't sit right in my stomach
And my conscience would probably eat me alive if I ever saw her without Megan's knowledge
It's funny because before, before me being stupid and thinking that I could ever love her
We were friends
Just friends
Could hang out
Could chill
But like most things, feelings, too strong, too immature, too primordial ruined what could have just been a good friend

Everything that I should . . .

"Unnamed"
Today, I attended a funeral. An old fashioned, screaming and shouting, bawling and stomping funeral. And like every one I've attended up until this point . . . I was flabbergasted, stoic. Death is the one true certainty in life. The moment you are born, is the instant you start dying. It's almost funny. The other day I heard a line in a song that just stood out: "everybody dies, but not everybody lives." I don't want to regret. Ever. I actually prayed for Megan, for us, and the chance to make things right. I don't feel like I'm making enough of an effort, but . . . I know that this is my last chance. And I refuse to sabotage it, like everything else. But unlike the other shit, I didn't really care, thus the apathy. She spins my top. And I owe it to her, myself, those that have listened to me cry and whine to make good on my word and promises.